Decisions that parents should make in a sibling fight
I have two twin daughters, that is, of the same age, and from the time they get up until they go to bed they find a reason to argue: that if that is my stuffed, that if you put yourself on my side of the table, that you have put more milk to it than me, that you annoy me because you are singing ...
I have two twin daughters, that is, of the same age, and from the time they get up until they go to bed they find a reason to argue: that if that is my stuffed, that if you put yourself on my side of the table, that you have put more milk to it than me, that you annoy me because you are singing ... So, most of the time I see myself as an intermediary, putting punishments , stopping as a football goalkeeper throws stuffed animals, pens and various clothing.
In short, that at the end of the day I find my nerves in the air because I am so much a judge, what governments do not take advantage of mothers! ... because there is no better negotiatorthan a mother or father with children in
6 and 12 years. But there are times when I can not take it anymore and I do not have the strength to intervene "Wing, solve it, I can not do it anymore! and then it is when I release those mother phrases that we have all heard a thousand times and we swore that we would never repeat to our children: "You have me up to the crown! I'm going to the Machupichu and here you stay! Neither consoles nor consoles! ... En On what occasions should parents intervene in a sibling fight? We leave you some guidelines to follow to intervene in the fights without dying in the attempt. What guidelines should we follow the parents in a sibling fight?
If we talk to the psychologists la, the thing is very even. Some studies have revealed that children get along better when parents intervene in fights, but nevertheless always solve the fights between the brothers makes them dependent on us and they do not know how to develop the necessary tools to be able to solve their conflicts. same. On the other hand, there is the fact that many children, especially the most immature ones,
provoke fights with their brothers to call the attention of their parents and to act against the older brother; In addition, by not being present in the development of the fight, we run the risk of being totallyunfair in our decision
or punishment, which would cause a greater rancor and distance between the children.
So when should we intervene? Obviously before the blood reaches the river.We leave you a series of guidelines to follow before a fight between brothers. 1- Agree on family norms that must always be met: not sticking, throwing things, not shouting, not insulting yourself, know how to forgive ... 2- You have to try to
avoid conflict and have a dialogue with the children before they arrive an agreement. We must encourage empathy with others in daily education, dialogue as the best method of fixing problems, affection, and never solving through violence. 3- We can give them several alternatives to be able to solve the problem and that they are the ones who choose the best option. Invite them to decide how to solve it: "What would you like your brother to do to solve it? What about you? How do you think we can fix it?
4- If we see that the fight is a simple discussion it is better to let them use their tools to agree, and only in case the discussion gets complicated we will intervene, exposing the feelings of each one and through dialogue.
5- If we hit or punish without seeing what happened we run the risk of being unfair, which will aggravate the problem among the brothers, so sometimes we do not have to solve the conflict, but only listen to the different parts, make them reflect
separate, and have them resolve it by speaking.
6- It is important that children calm down when talking if we do not want them to end up pulling their hair. So maybe you should separate them into different rooms until they calm down and You can talk quietly. 7- We should not be his
detectives , or spy behind the curtains to see what they do, they should feel free to act according to their criteria and values. 8- If you are forced to punish, and you have not seen the fight, let it be
both equally. We should not look for guilt, so we will punish the two for not seeking an agreement to solve it. 9- Promote the team among them and the cooperative work, for example you can play something in which they form a group and you another; or make a
puzzle or a model between the two. Keep in mind that the older the children are
the less conflict they will have and the better they will know how to fix it. We just have to leave the tools at their fingertips and, little by little, they will learn to manage them without us having to make Solomonic decisions.