Guide so that the couple separates without harming the children
The separation of a couple is always complicated and even more so when there are children in between. Children are usually the most vulnerable in the family and, therefore, those who suffer the most with their parents' decision to separate. Although the separation is only from the couple, it is inev
The separation of a couple is always complicated and even more so when there are children in between. Children are usually the most vulnerable in the family and, therefore, those who suffer the most with their parents' decision to separate. Although the separation is only from the couple, it is inevitable that the children are immersed in this decision. It will depend on the attitude and support of parents to preserve children from suffering.
José Manual Aguilar Cuenca, psychologist and author of theGuide to face the rupture of the couple without harming the children aconseja, advises the parents to face the separation with sufficient maturity, in a peaceful and respectful way, assuming that the The stability of their children depends largely on them.Some guidelines for action for parents who are separated
1. Parents should help their children to understand that their lifestyle will change and that they will have to build their new routines. Children must get used to having one or the other, in different houses and on different occasions. The normality in the life of the parents causes normality in the life of the children.
2. It can not be ignored that emotions are usually disturbed in the family when there is a separation from the couple. Parents should help their children understand what feelings such as insecurity, fear or discouragement can appear and how they can control them. Parents must channel their own feelings so that they can then help their children do the same.
3. Parents should make it clear to their children that parents divorce, children do not.
4. Parents should avoid being carried away by negative feelings, of disparaging comments towards their ex-partner. This can cause a lot of damage and discomfort to the children, being able to alter their behavior, diet or sleep.
5. Parents who, after separating, are forced to assume tasks and responsibilities that they never had before, and even economic limitations, must be aware that what their children need most is attention, support, presence, affection, love ... We must accept and assume the new reality instead of ruminating what they can not change. Children can read the face, the silences and the feelings of their parents. Los 6. Parents should talk to their children about their separation without giving too many explanations and without attributing blame. You can not underestimate the ability of your children to understand what is happening. The important thing is for the children to know that their parents will stay with them and that they will be available when they need it.
7. Children are not the therapy of the parents, not even the cane on which they rely. The more it costs the parents to overcome the breakup, the more it will cost their child to take over.
8. Parents should be aware of changes in children's behavior. Observe if something has changed in your eating habits, sleep, study. There is no reason to be alarmed. If the parents remain firm in their education and care, everything will return to normal in a very short time. You can not overturn in children or let them do what they want. No 9. Separation from parents is not the same for children under or over three years of age. The little ones have a hard time understanding what happens between their parents. That is why it is very important to reiterate their presence and not feel unable to assist them. From 3 to 7 years old, children already understand what separation is and they can manifest their pain with tummy or head aches, tantrums, etc. From the age of seven until adolescence, children tend to be outraged, upset and angry about the separation of their parents. Parents must stop these behaviors so that they do not become more severe, imposing their criteria and not disavowing among themselves.
10. Parents should avoid confrontations between themselves. Living in a confrontation obliges us to hate and hatred does not contribute anything to children. They should avoid putting too much pressure on the children, preventing them, for example, from having any kind of relationship with the new partner of their ex-partner or speaking ill of the other spouse.
If you want to know other guidelines on shared custody, the role of family and grandparents in the face of divorce, etc., we recommend that you directly access the GUIDE.