What terms to use when talking about sexuality with children

Perhaps you have had more than one discussion with your partner, family or friends about how to mention the genitals in front of the children: "Do we call it a penis or a penis?" Vulva sounds so bad ... better let's say chichi ... but it does not convince me either because it's not very thin ". You

You may have found yourself explaining the reproduction using "dad puts the little seed in mom". Maybe one day you answered one and you will see it at school when I play, that you are still small. Or you have discovered yourself doing the Swedish before an uncomfortable question.

Although sexuality is present throughout life and it is inevitable to talk about it, it is not uncommon for you to have these or other doubts when it comes to educating your child, as it is a dimension full of taboos , false beliefs, concealments and prejudices. We present some ideas on what terms to use when talking about sexuality with children and we hope they will help you enjoy accompanying you in this discovery.

Be clear about the concepts in the sexual education of children

The human sexual fact is composed of three elements:

- Sex, which refers to what one is (the sexed body, which is constantly changing).

- Sexuality, is what one experiences (experiences and the way of feeling sex).

- The erotic, what is done (the desires and behaviors).

The main objective of sex education will be to provide your child with the ability to live congruently what is (his sex), what he lives and feels (his sexuality) and what he wants and does (his erotic) so that he can live sexually in a unique way, free, positive, autonomous and responsible.

Sexual education of children is more than talking about genitals and reproduction

Your child develops his sexual act when he explores, feels pleasure when he is tickled, when he sees naked bodies, listens to conversations of adults, observes people who feel shame, while playing with friends, decide who you kiss, discover that people express affection in different ways, we explain that it is important to take care of your body, fall in love or see drawings.

Sex education is present at all times, it is not just talking about the body and genitals, it also has to do with self-knowledge, self-esteem, emotions, gender, affections or relationships.

Talking about sexuality with children does not invite promiscuity

You may believe that if you talk about sexuality with your child you encourage them to do early practices. It's as if you thought that starting to speak in English at 1 year old would impel you to go live abroad before you are ready. Quite the opposite, you do it to make sure that, when the time comes, you can live the experience in a more positive, safe and responsible way.

Why not do the same with sexuality? Sexuality is like any other learning, a gradual and continuous process. The experiences and questions your child makes with 2 years (touching the genitals when removing in diapers) or with 5 years (how are children manufactured?) Will not be the same as with 13 years (is it normal to feel tingling in the vulva?). Having information does not promote premature actions, rather the opposite. Reality shows that, for better education, later on they usually start their internship. It seems that adequate education does help to maintain the motivation to know and respect each other, and to know and respect others, and, therefore, to decide responsibly with whom, what, where, when and how to start internships.

How to talk about sex with the children

The way in which you respond to your child can be key when maintaining an open communication or that is closed. Your son asks you why he is researching and building his mental model and you are one of his main sources of trust. If you detect that your questions or behaviors bother you, avoid or reprimand, possibly close communication with you. Look for other sources of information that will not always be the most appropriate (for example, friends or the Internet) and you will be missing the opportunity to accompany him in his sexual development.

Talking about sexuality with children is like talking about any other topic, adapting it to the characteristics, experiences and age of your child, but also to yours. Try to take every opportunity every day to give answers, as it will make it easier for communication to remain open.

What terms should we use when talking about sexuality with children

When your child learned to read you explained that A is A and M is M to make it easier to learn to read, but when talking about sex, it is usual to use euphemisms as a strategy to reduce adult modesty. Call the vulva, chichi or penis, whistle eliminates the possible erotic connotations that adults put, but your child sounds the same term as another.

However, it does capture that, while the sum you call sum already the plant, plant, there are certain things that do not have their own name, have infinite names or are not even mentioned and, in addition, make nervous, blush or dislocate the adult. This situation can lead to confusion, ignorance, distance, disconnection or establishment of own conclusions (it must be something bad, dirty or to hide, that associates it with negative emotions such as fear, rejection or shame). Sharing a code respectful, common, clear, without prejudice and open, will help you establish a positive relationship with your body, emotions, affections and relationships.

Do you think that the terms used in sexology sound bad, strong, cold or too technical? Surely you have stopped to analyze how vulva sounds, but not how it does eruption, syntax or multiplication. Think if it is not for lack of habit or social influence loaded with negative connotations towards those words. Try to start using the appropriate sexual terms: vulva, penis, testicles, sperm, ovule, menstruation, intercourse, reproduction ... In a week you will have gotten used to it. If it still costs you, try combining the technical words with more informal ones, so that your child learns which words to use depending on the context. Explain, for example, that you can use chichi or whistle in privacy but that, in the doctor, it is appropriate to say vulva or penis.

If you want your child to learn to respect and respect others, be prepared to prevent abuse, make responsible decisions, be able to communicate openly about their needs, desires, interests, ... In short, if you want to educate a person who lives Your sexuality in a unique, free, positive and responsible way, that learns to call things by their names is a good start.