Complex of Cain or the complex of the older brother in childhood

The arrival of a new son and brother implies a change in the family. There is a new member and the family structure changes. They are no longer mom-dad-son, now mom-dad-big brother-little brother. For parents, the arrival of a new child involves a change, a change in family dynamics, a change in the

The arrival of a new son and brother implies a change in the family. There is a new member and the family structure changes. They are no longer mom-dad-son, now mom-dad-big brother-little brother.

For parents, the arrival of a new child involves a change, a change in family dynamics, a change in the roles assigned to each child, (the oldest, the smallest), a change in schedules, division of homework , of responsibilities.

For the children, it supposes much more than the simple fact of becoming the greater, or of being the small one to be the middle one or the middle one. It supposes a loss of privileges, of spaces, of time with the parents, there are new demands, new roles, new dynamics. But, what happens when those jealousies are excessive? It is known as Cain Complex or complex of the older brother in childhood

The complex of big brother or the dethroned prince

With the arrival of a new member to the family, there is a restructuring of the family, the children have to search their place in the home, new conflicts arise in the home, jealousy between siblings, behaviors that the elder had overcome and reappear ... Depending on the place occupied by each child, the problems are different, since it is not the same to be the older one, the little one, than the middle one, being the only boy or girl of the brothers, etc ...

The jealousy between siblings is normal, the children have to adapt to the new situation, and they can show some behaviors that are not we like them, but we have to understand that they are normal, and if we know how to manage them, there is no major problem (in the end everything will happen). When the child is an only child, and a little brother arrives, his privileged place changes, dad and mom are no longer exclusively his, he has to share time, love, attention with the new member of the family. And not only mom and dad can spend less time, other people too, (uncles, grandparents, cousins, neighbors, friends ...). He is no longer the center of attention, now there is his little brother too.

Jealousy or the big brother's complex with respect to the little one is what is known as "Prince's Deposed Syndrome". But there is also the "Cain Syndrome", this second more serious and with more implications than the first.The 'syndrome of the dethroned prince' is the appearance of jealousy towards the newly arrived brother.

These jealousy are normal, they are part of the process of adaptation and maturation of the child. Through jealousy, the child expresses that he perceives a change, that he is afraid of feeling displaced, of losing prominence and the exclusive attentions of those he had been enjoying until now. Jealousy can manifest itself through varied behaviors: complaints, physical discomfort, enuresis, easy crying, extreme sensitivity, refusal to do what is asked, use of a child's language, refusal to eat or sleep only when so far He did without problems, fears, constantly request the attention of the parents during the night, be restless or uneasy, use of aggressiveness towards parents, etc.

The complex of Cain or the older brother in childhood

Up to here, all we have exposed is a normal and logical behavior in children when a little brother arrives, it is a process by which the child must pass and that, for being so small, he still does not have the necessary tools to face the arrival of the new brother, but sometimes,

this jealousy that the older brother feels toward the little one can go further and develop what is called "Cain Complex" , which it alludes to the brothers Cain and Abel of the Bible. In this case you do not get to the point of ending the other's life, but you do have to feel some

excessive jealousy and even when the older brother hurts your little brother when the parents are not present. This complex, if not well managed, may last longer than normal for jealousy between siblings, and leads to many conflicts in the family, although as a rule this is not usually the case, and it remains in the normal jealousy of the family. "Prince dethroned." What can we do when the eldest is jealous of the child?

- We will avoid punishing the child for feeling jealous, (for his / her attention calls or behaviors) and help him / her through games or stories to identify their feelings and emotions.

- We will try to avoid phrases like "now you are the oldest so you can not do this or that".

If I have to scold him, I will scold him for the behavior but not for the fact of being the oldest, because first of all, he is a child. - Dedicate "exclusive" moments to the child and make him see that he is still important and we want him equal.

- Respect their spaces and their games and their routines.

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Avoid comparing brothers , with phrases like "look your brother, smaller and do not do this or do the other". Each child is unique. No - Do not delegate to the older brother (take care of your little brother, watch him ...) it is not his task nor his responsibility. While you can help us, and we will also make you see that this help is invaluable to us, we should not delegate tasks such as taking care of the brothers when they are little.-

Prepare him for the arrival of brother

and make him see the positive aspects of having a brother. We must be realistic with the child, and tell him how the first months will be, (that the baby does not play, that he does not speak, that basically, he does not do much). - Help us in the preparation of the room

, choose a toy or clothes for the brother, who is a participant in the preparations. - Try to have family members or friends pay attention and not only look at the little one.In case we see that jealousy is excessive, that it extends too much in time, and that we do not know how to manage it, it is advisable to go to an expert to guide us and guide us on how to manage the behavior of the children. We must understand that children suffer with jealousy, so if we think we are not managing the jealousy of the elder, (it is not always easy), or we are concerned about the behavior of our son, it is best to go to a professional help us and guide us in this process, not only to the parents but also to the child.