Disobedient children

I can not handle my son! He never obeys! We really tried everything, but it's useless! This is the constant and daily complaint of many parents. Why are some children so disobedient? How is it possible that the brothers are so different, if the environment is the same? Are they born that way? The tr

I can not handle my son! He never obeys! We really tried everything, but it's useless! This is the constant and daily complaint of many parents.

Why are some children so disobedient? How is it possible that the brothers are so different, if the environment is the same? Are they born that way? The truth is that each child is unique and unrepeatable and born with a way of being, his. From small, we distinguish them easily. Some are smiling, calm, relaxed, friendly, affectionate ... and others restless, wayward, challenging, continually testing their parents.

The challenge of disobedient children towards their parents

Disobedient children have a strong temperament, they seek confrontation, they are defiant, they measure their strength and they want to be the center of attention. The bad thing is that they often get it; sometimes by exhaustion of adults and sometimes by perseverance.

Most of the times disobedient children are made 'a mess'; they are still children and as such they need the security that we adults can provide. But a father who continually doubts how to face his challenges, how to react to his rudeness, before his 'deaf ears', is not the best example of security and balance. They think that we should always know what we have to do, and they do not understand that we doubt so much; Sometimes, their attitudes are extreme, they look for provocation to see if, at last, we react and act!

In these cases, records will help us to record the behavior of disobedient children. When we do not know how to react, when we find ourselves clueless, tired ... let's write down exactly what happens in those moments !, but to do it effectively, we will use the following table.

Home conduct record sheet. NAME___________________ _________

Day and time
SITUATION
Where are you, who and what do you do?
PROBLEM CONDUCT
What the child does or says
Response of parents and other people present
Tuesday, 7:00 p.m.
We are the parents and Rafa in the living room, watching TV and we say:
"Rafa, get to do the homework"
  • (Without raising his eyes he says: leave me alone!).
  • (Neither answers).
  • Ten more minutes.
  • It's all right Rafa. Go and do your homework.
  • Rafa, please go now.
  • But only 10 minutes!

When we say something and the child does not obey, in the first column we will point out the day and time it is; then, as we have done in the example, we will write the rest. In this case, the record shows us how we have done the opposite of what we should. In the end the child has got away with it! and we have acted incorrectly, because we have taught him that by answering badly, not taking any notice of us and imposing the conditions, we end up giving way. The next time he will do something similar, because it gave good results.

What to do with disobedient children? Practical advice

1. Set clear standards for disobedient children que, that they know what happens when they disobey. Example: we will say things only once and if you ignore the consequences will be "these" (depending on the case and age will take you to your room to reconsider, not pay attention ...) Act 2. Act immediately but obey; do not enter into a fight. (In the previous case, turn off the television and take him to his room to do homework).

3. Do not fall for the provocations of disobedient children.Do not answer your complaints, directly do what you had proposed.

4. Do not try to reason with him when he disobeys ; It's useless, just try to "bundle us and buy time".