Parents tend to think that our children perceive the world as we perceive it. And, this is not the case at all. Do we understand the world in the same way we did in childhood or adolescence? Of course not! As much as we strive so that our children understand and agree with the guidelines, recommenda
Parents tend to think that our children perceive the world as we perceive it. And, this is not the case at all. Do we understand the world in the same way we did in childhood or adolescence? Of course not!
As much as we strive so that our children understand and agree with the guidelines, recommendations or messages we transmit to them, sometimes it becomes impossible because they perceive and interpret what is happening in the world in a very different way than ours. And the reverse happens exactly the same. Children feel misunderstood by their parents on many occasions. It is as if parents and children spoke in different languages.
Why children feel misunderstood
When children tell us their wishes, their motivations, their worries, their fears, their plans or their projects, it is often as if they were speaking to us in Chinese. We do not understand them, it is difficult for us to put ourselves in their place and enter their world. But, it's normal! We belong to different generations and adults have, unlike them, many years lived and enough brain maturity to reflect and think long term. However, the children are carried away by the moment, by the here and now, they think in the short term. Therefore, they need the supervision of their parents to put a stop to many of their ideas and / or behaviors that they wish to carry out.
But having a way of thinking and interpreting the world different from that of our children does not imply that we do not actively listen to them, that we do not respect them and that we do not empathize with them.
Many parents when their children share their thoughts and / or emotions with them tend to respond: Shut up, that's silly! That's no use! It's ridiculous! It's crazy! You're a child and you do not understand anything !, this is so because I say it, period! etc.
Sometimes children feel misunderstood and therefore frustrated when they perceive a great distancing from their parents. Children who feel misunderstood and frustrated show, in the majority of cases, inappropriate behavior. Sometimes they show aggressive behavior (they insult their parents, they have tantrums, they hit things, they cry, they scream, etc.) as a consequence of the lack of understanding they feel on the part of their parents.
What to do when children feel misunderstood
Being in agreement with what our children express to us is difficult. But, what we can do, to avoid a possible emotional distancing with them, is to actively listen to them with our five senses when they want to communicate something to us, respect their way of seeing the world without ridiculing theirs and sharing with them. our way of perceiving or understanding what they tell us. It is very important that they feel heard, supported and above allnot attacked to prevent them from clinging to a defensive attitude that keeps us away from them.
We have also been children, so it should not be so complicated to look back and connect with the child we have been. Why not do the exercise of putting ourselves in the shoes of a child when we talk to our children?
Surely help us understand them and get closer to them. Parents have the responsibility to act as emotional support, to give them wings to fly and to make them feel safe in everything they do. However, it is also our obligation to guide and guide them during their journey because they, because of their short experience and maturity, do not have a global vision of the world.
Many of the problems that arise in the family are caused by poor communication between parents and children . On very few occasions do we adequately express to our children what we find most appropriate or convenient for them.
Opting to promote dialogue with our children is the best strategy we can follow so that they feel supported by us and understood even if we do not share with them their way of understanding the world. For them it is important that we ask them for their opinion about the things that are happening on a daily basis que and that we make them participants of the decisions that are made at home or with respect to them. Spend time with our children to talk with them and try to understand what happens inside them is the best gift we can give them.