Many parents are reluctant to say "NO" to their children and continually please their needs and desires in order to provide them with everything they need to be happy and satisfied children. A priori this may seem positive, however, it is not. Satisfying all the demands of our children can cause chi
Many parents are reluctant to say "NO" to their children and continually please their needs and desires in order to provide them with everything they need to be happy and satisfied children.
A priori this may seem positive, however, it is not. Satisfying all the demands of our children can cause children to become real tyrants.
Saying NO to children also educates
Saying "NO" to our children is very beneficial for them, we are helping them to feel much happier and safer. Although it is difficult to believe, a child with clear and well-defined limits is much happier than a child who does not know what to expect and tyrannizes his relatives to get what he wants.
Children are very capable emotionally, sometimes even more than adults, and they know exactly how to behave to emotionally alter their parents and finally get what they want so much.
As we all know, no child likes his parents to say "NO", so at first the children do not usually accept the "NOES" willingly and do everything in their power so that their parents end up giving up and changing the "NO" for a "YES": they cry, they cry, they hit, they throw things, they insult, etc.
What usually happens is that the parents end up saying "YES" so that the child stops crying and having that inappropriate behavior. Many fathers and mothers consider that if they do not give up when their child cries it is a cruel act and they even feel guilty for allowing their child to cry and not give in to their demands. But, it is just the opposite, it is a mistake because the child learns that every time he wants to get something he just has to cry and behave badly so that his parents finally end up satisfying their desires and needs: They become little tyrants!
They are simply using all their weapons to get away with it. Children try and experiment to see where the limit is. If they do, it is because they believe that they handle the situation and that they have enough power to finally get their parents to change their minds. On the other hand, if the parents are firm, they teach the child a great lesson: You will not achieve anything with emotional blackmail or bad behavior!
If we teach them that they can get everything they want and immediately we are not doing them any favors because in adult life things do not work that way and we must prepare them to be resilient people, able to tolerate frustration and delay gratification.
But, this has a solution. Saying "NO" is a skill and therefore can be learned.
How to learn to say "NO" to children
- To be clear about the objective: Every time we say to our son or daughter "NO" it is because we consider it to be the best for them. If we are clear that our only goal is to help them, even if it does not seem so in the short term, it will be easier for us to say "NO".
- Be firm: We should not be afraid of confrontation with the child. We must bear in mind that when the child cries or shows inappropriate behavior, he is only testing how far he can go. It is important not to get emotionally upset or give in and simply show indifference to such behaviors, soon the child alone will begin to calm down.
- Keep calm: It is important to tell the child "NO" with firmness and security but in no case shouting or showing us upset, we must remain calm and serene. If the child perceives otherwise, he will learn that he has the necessary power to make his parents nervous and finally get away with it.
- Practice: Learning to say "NO" is a skill and like any other skill we must practice so that each time we can do better. When we start to drive the normal thing is that at the beginning we do not do it very well and with the continued practice we end up being good drivers. Well, with this happens the same, we must train and practice continuously to tell our children "NO", as long as it is necessary, and little by little we will be able to be more and more capable.