Punishments or limits for children
Many parents do not know what to do to make our children behave well, but what do we fail to do? How to get the children to respect us? The child psychologist, María Luisa Ferrerós, author of the book Cast ¡Punished! It is necessary? , proposes ingenious and effective educational alternatives to edu
Many parents do not know what to do to make our children behave well, but what do we fail to do? How to get the children to respect us? The child psychologist, María Luisa Ferrerós, author of the book Cast ¡Punished! It is necessary? , proposes ingenious and effective educational alternatives to educate children through a series of practical tips, which have given rise to their method, the Ferrerós method.Keys to educate with limits to children
What do we fail parents in the education of our children?
The most important failure is insecurity, not knowing where we are going and trying different things when one does not work the first time. The child notices this insecurity and invites them to behave worse. Another mistake we have is that couples do not go as a team. The child realizes that what mom does not let me do, dad yes.
How can we apply discipline to children and when should we start setting limits?
We must start, from the first year, to set limits to the child, telling him not to: 'do not touch, do not upload, do not go down'. It is important that the 'no' be accompanied by a serious face. We think that the child is trying, he is playing with us, but when he sees that before the same thing, you respond in the same way, that no and with a serious face, the child finally stops doing what he should not.
The limits are interpreted according to your face and your gesture. There are a number of nonverbal cues that accompany and are very important: tone, gravity, firmness or attitude. Being convinced is the basis for you to transmit to your child and react positively. To educate you have to start as soon as possible, without postponing because we plant ourselves with a 15-year-old child, and starting at 0 costs a lot.
Can we establish an educational behavior based on the character of the child?
There are children who are very powerful and very strong, who obey drastic limitations, or with whom you have to get very angry to make them take effect. And there are other children who do the same to them, depending on the sensitivity of the child. The fact that we dads have to be fair and act with everyone equally means that we have to adapt to the sensitivity of each one, to their way of being, to their fear, to their stubbornness.
Children who are very sensitive, do not need such strong punishments, they can do more collaborative things.
Authoritarian, permissive ... what kind of father should we be now?
A flexible parent who adapts to the situation. The extremes are always bad. The excess of authoritarianism is just as bad as the excess of permissiveness. If we look, children with real conflicts come from excessively permissive or excessively authoritarian families, therefore, the ideal is to be at the midpoint.
Should we negotiate with the children? How to make society forget about physical punishment?
I am against physical punishment, because it really does not lead anywhere. Violence generates violence, and that's why we're not doing well.
To be a firm father you do not need to give him a slap, if you have things clear and the child does not let him pass one, it is not necessary. It is necessary that you are convinced and that there is a series of things that are not negotiable and that the child has clear. But that does not mean that then the child is the king of the house and do what he wants.
One thing is nonviolence and another thing is that there are no limits and that the child can do what he wants, and you can not because in society there are limits and there are rules and you are educating these children to live in that society.
What is the key to educating with limits?
We must stand firm without getting angry, without shouting, it's not necessary! If you have things clear, you do not need all that, you need to read the book, put the batteries, you bounce things and convey a lot of security. It is not easy, but it is a question of self-convincing, of having the mental strength to say: "I am going to be able to cope with children and I have grown tired of screaming, this is not the way". The child does something because it has a consequence: the children are challenging you all day, "because now I do not love you, I'm going to leave home ...", they're going to tell you everything, but all that is provocations, the Boy do not think so, they are looking to see if you wobble. When the child tells you this, you do not have to flinch, you have to give him security without entering his game, you have to think that the child is provoking you, looking to see what your point is and whenever he wants something he will use it.
Marisol New
