When one desires something very strongly and has long dreamed that this desire becomes a reality, it idealizes it. You, like mom or dad, your child: the best, the most handsome, the smartest, the most obedient ... and he, as a child, his new parents, his family, his new things, his toys, It's going
When one desires something very strongly and has long dreamed that this desire becomes a reality, it idealizes it. You, like mom or dad, your child: the best, the most handsome, the smartest, the most obedient ... and he, as a child, his new parents, his family, his new things, his toys, It's going to be all wonderful. They will love him, they will buy him everything he wants, they will never quarrel ...
When adoption is finally formalized, families usually go through a period of falling in love because we have finally found the person who It is going to make up for our shortcomings. I'm going to perform as a father and he's going to have some dads.
Characteristics of falling in love
Falling in love during the adoption process is similar to falling in love in a relationship:
- Intense desire to touch, hug, caress the other person (child or parent) and share emotional intimacy and secrets.
- Intense desire for reciprocity (he feels the same).
- Idealization of the relationship as something wonderful.
- Intense desire to share time.
- Feel that the other person is the reason to live.
- Excessive desire to please and make an effort in which the other person is well.
- Uncontrolled need to give gifts, be helpful ...
- You want to shout to the world what you want the other party.
- Fear of being rejected.
- Inability to see the faults of the other party.
- Problems to concentrate.
- Unique thoughts centered on the other person; spend the day thinking about the other person, seeing her, ...
The end of the stage of falling in love with adoption
As in all crushes, we know that this stage is not eternal. There comes a time when parents must return to work, you must scold, punish, force to eat vegetables or fish, take the child to school, or simply say no when it was not within the plans of the child.
On the other hand, there comes a time when the child begins to assume that this is their home and that you are there to care for and love him but how far are you willing to go? Also, after so many nerves and so many changes, you can finally start to relax.
The child begins to be himself and that is when their possible deficiencies, deficits, fears, ... through uncontrolled behavior, crying, tantrums, attacks of aggression, ... or feeling of sadness, passivity, that takes off you, that no longer gives you kisses or hugs, is not close ... and that you will be caught by surprise because everything was fine so far.
What has happened? Well, what seemed a proper integration has not been so much and as parents, as it was what you most wanted, you have clung to the hope that it will always go well. You have entrusted yourself to excess.
This fact does not always appear, not in all families, nor with all children, but as parents you must be prepared to probe expectantly what certain behaviors may mean especially when things seem too easy.