When the adoption does not work

Before an adoption is effective and you can take your child home, you will go through a series of compulsory procedures that seek to make the process a success: pre-adoption courses, tests of evaluation by professionals and meetings with the child that has been assigned to you. The objective is that

The objective is that the child adapts to you as parents and you to the child because, although it may seem simple, this is not always the case; especially in older children.

When the adoption does not go as you thought

In spite of all this you can find yourself facing the fact that the adoption does not go as you thought and the reasons can be very different:

1.Do not get to generate a link between the child and you There is no feeling and you are not comfortable: In this case there are problems of communication, understanding, norms, ... When this happens you should talk to the people in charge of making the follow-ups so they try to find a solution with support from professionals specialized or looking for a new family for the child.

2.The child does not assume that he has a new family and is waiting for his biological parents to appear at some point: This can happen even though you have a good relationship with the child and it is your task to make him understand a firm and forceful way that that will not happen. It is interesting to consult the case to a professional because the child may be denying reality and that will cause long-term damage. We have to distinguish these cases from those in which the child challenges you, puts you to the test, seeks to tighten the rope, or tells you that he did not want to be adopted. All these behaviors, although as parents can be exasperating and hurtful, indicate that the adoption is developing normally, that you feel comfortable and that is why these licenses are allowed. A child catches a tantrum with whom he has confidence; if you do not get inhibited.

How to understand the attitude of the child who rejects his adoptive parents

You must understand that an adopted child is a child rejected, directly or indirectly, by his family, by society, ... and this leads to distrust of the world around him and to treat to test their new parents. It is easy to think: 'if once they did not want me, why now everything is going to be different?' In addition, this distrust and insecurity are often accompanied by feelings of guilt: 'if my biological parents do not want me, it is because I am bad'. Considering this, it is easy to understand that your child has the following reasoning: 'if by being bad they have stopped loving me, how far will these people who say they want me go?' And act trying to prove their theories.

This explanation is important to take into account so that you can understand what happens to the child and do an exercise of patience and endurance. But this can not be an excuse for him to do what he wants. Being a parent means being firm, putting limits and educating but always from affection and understanding. Not reacting to inappropriate and provocative behavior shows indifference and not affection or concern, and children realize.

The self-esteem of an adopted child is very deteriorated, so you have to insist that you will always be there whatever you do, that you love him above all and that his biological parents also loved him, only that they could not take care of him. It is important to avoid feeling abandoned.