Sexuality and children. The development of sexuality
Educating in sexuality is a function of parents and the recommendation is to do it naturally since the children are young, attending to their emotional and intellectual maturity, avoiding to advance contents that can be easily understood later on. To develop this topic in more depth, the psychologis
Educating in sexuality is a function of parents and the recommendation is to do it naturally since the children are young, attending to their emotional and intellectual maturity, avoiding to advance contents that can be easily understood later on. To develop this topic in more depth, the psychologist Mónica Poblador responds in this interview to the questions that we most frequently ask parents to educate our children about sexuality.
How to adapt sex education to the age of the children
When should we begin the sexual education of our children?
From the beginning, since our daughters are born. It is educated with hugs, with caresses, with the signs of affection, with skin-to-skin contact ... and this begins to be educated in the cradle. Long before the questions or the 'touching'. Body contact and communication with baby attachment figures can be decisive in establishing a healthy sexuality.
Because in the arms the baby learns feelings of safety and protection. Babies also have the capacity to feel pleasure, to be at ease and dislike, although they are still far from incorporating erotic meanings to these sensations. In short, from the cradle you already learn to recognize and express emotions.
What are the childhood ages of the discovery of sexuality and what do children need in each of them?
The first manifestations of sexual life in childhood occur from baby. Little by little, the baby is developing new linguistic and motor skills, with which he will progressively participate and be incorporated into his environment. We are talking about the stage that goes from 18-24 months to 6 years.
It is from this moment when, when it will be important how curiosity or your questions are resolved, the attitude that you have before your touching or the couple models, men and women, that we offer you to identify yourself.
When does curiosity about the genitals appear?
It is logical that, in these early ages, curiosity about the genitals and differences between boys and girls or with adults appear. From 6 years to 12 years if we ask parents about the curiosity and sexual activity of their sons and daughters, many will say that it is little.
However, the opposite is true, it is likely that some games will continue, and that both the curiosity and the importance of what you see and hear have increased. What is not seen does not mean that it does not exist. This will be a very appropriate stage to work from the important, without haste and without urgency.
How should we name the genitals?
Within sex education is to contribute to the genitals being an accepted part of an accepted body. For this, they must have their name, that these are not derogatory and that they help distinguish each of the parties.
That is, it is not worth using the same name for two things. For example, 'culete' to refer to the ass and, at the same time, to the vulva. Or 'front bumper' and 'back bumper' that continues to generate confusion. Two things, two names.
Can you prepare the way to address certain issues in adolescence?
Pre-adolescence is the time to prepare future changes, before they arrive, so as not to be late. The message we must give them is: we know that no one remains unripe, each one has its own rhythm, and in the end, whatever the result, this will be that of a body prepared for pleasure, affection, and relationships personal and erotic.
What should we do when we discover our son exploring his body?These touching or infantile masturbation, at the beginning, have as object the self-exploration but, immediately, they will also have as object the pleasure. Undoubtedly, children of these ages who touch each other do so because they find pleasant sensations. It is not about being in favor or against, nor judging whether it is good or bad, but rather assessing whether the behavior is presented in an appropriate or inadequate way.
It is not the same, nor should we act the same, if masturbation is done, in a restaurant, in a public park or at recess or if you do it alone in your room. In the first cases you can say 'this here or now it is not done, when you are alone'. In this way criteria are given, it is not judged, and alternatives are pointed out.
What happens when they do it with other children?
It is common for boys and girls, at some point, to play touching or undressing and they usually do it for several reasons: for 'curiosity', both for their own body and for that of the other, either that of the same or different sex or by 'imitation' of what they think can happen in the adult world and how enjoyable the game itself can be.
If with masturbation you had to learn to distinguish between the public and the private sphere, now with more reason. But also, now, we should also be aware that nobody is playing something that they do not want to play or do not have a good time with. If it's a game, it has to be loved and fun for both of you or it would not stop being a game.
These games do not have transcendence and almost always have an expiration date, as soon as they stop being novel. We can also take advantage of these situations of later talk to talk about sexuality: differences between boys and girls, friendship, etc.
What should we not do?
- Make them feel they are doing something wrong. Scold, punish, insult. Prohib - Prohibit friendship with that child for playing 'those games'
- Set up a scandal that involves others, for example family members or other parents or children.
- Continually remember the fact and discuss it with other people.
Each parent can reason why all these reactions of adults are counterproductive. We are not going to generate a problem where there is no problem, or to transmit a concept of sexuality based on fear, on the forbidden, on the taboo, a concept that when we want to change at other ages, such as adolescence or youth, we get enough late.
Marisol Nuevo.
Redactor Source consulted:
the text is taken from"Building Sexualities"(CEAPA, 2008) and other publications ofCarlos de la Cruz. Director Official Master in Sexology UCJC.
