Siblings of children with ADHD

Many families feel overwhelmed by the behaviors of their child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). At home, the situation can be complicated when one of the children has ADHD. The dynamics of the family are altered, and the conflicts that are generated at home affect all the member

Sibling rivalry is a natural and necessary fact, but when one of the brothers has ADHD, this rivalry is accentuated considerably. It is normal, the brothers are affected mainly because the parents usually pay more attention to the child who has ADHD and, as we know, what a child desires most is to feel cared for by their parents.

Having a sibling ADHD

Parents, being aware of the difficulties their child with ADHD faces, spend a great deal of time and effort supervising it.Frequently, siblings of children with ADHD feel that they are not treated equally, that the attention and affection of their parents is directed, almost entirely, to the brother who has ADHD and that he receives special treatment.

This situation generates in the siblings of children with ADHD,feelings of jealousy towards their brother, anger, low self-esteem and even the need to manifest inappropriate behaviors to capture the attention of their parents.

We should not worry, jealousy or rivalry between siblings is a transitory adaptive reaction, which usually follows its normal development and disappears over time. However, if we do not act in the right way, it can acquire a permanent character.

What we can do to help siblings of children with ADHD

- All household members should know and understand what ADHD is and how they can help to help the child or the sibling cope with the difficulties it presents.

-Spending time per week for family activitieswill help siblings strengthen their bond (going to the movies, making a recipe for cooking, playing a board game, enjoying nature, etc.).

-Do not get involved in sibling fights. If there is a sibling fight, the parents should not position themselves in favor of any of the children. The brothers have to solve their problems on their own and the consequences will be applied to both.

-Establish rules and limits at home that are clear and fair. Not all children are the same, each one has different qualities and needs. It is impossible for parents to treat their children in the same way but, as far as possible, they should try to be fair and just.

- Spend time with each of the children alone.Children need to feel unique and special. Spending time with each child alone, without the presence of other siblings, will help all of them feel cared for by their parents and mitigate the feeling of rivalry.

-Do not make comparisons between the behaviors of the children. Often, to encourage children to change their behavior, we tend to compare siblings: look at your brother, he has done his homework already, and you have not even started! This type of comparison should be avoided. If any of the children do something wrong, we will have to talk to him and apply a consequence for it. But, in no case, we should compare their behavior with the behavior of the brother, as this increases the rivalry and resentment between them.

-Reinforce children when their behavior is appropriate regardless of whether they have ADHD or not.Parents continuously pay attention to inappropriate behaviors of their children but, on many occasions, forget to pay attention and reinforce or congratulate the children when their behavior is appropriate. When any of the children perform appropriate behavior we should praise and congratulate him. When the behavior of any of our children is good, it is important that we point it out and reinforce it (very good! We are proud of you! You have done great!).