Manipulative children. How to correct their behavior
Children represent innocence, naivety and kindness. Of course! But, it is undeniable that many children use manipulation, with people in their environment, to get away with it. We are born having in our head a clean slate on which we are building according to our experiences and learning throughout
Children represent innocence, naivety and kindness. Of course! But, it is undeniable that many children use manipulation, with people in their environment, to get away with it. We are born having in our head a clean slate on which we are building according to our experiences and learning throughout our lives.
Children are not born being manipulators but learn that manipulation is a powerful tool to get what they want and put it into practice when they see fit.
How do children manipulate?
It is possible that the child has learned to use manipulation because he has observed this type of behavior in someone in his environment. Be careful, adults also use manipulation frequently!
Normally what happens is that children learn that manipulation can be a useful tool for them by pure chance. Here's a simple example:
- The boy asks his mother to buy him a lollipop and his mother tells him NO.
- The child starts crying and insisting that his mother buy the lollipop but his mother says NO again.
- The child increases his level of aggression. Besides crying, he starts screaming and kicking. His mother continues saying NO.
- The child increases his aggression level even more. He cries, shouts, kicks, insults and starts throwing the items from the supermarket. The mother finally gets very nervous, gets angry and decides to buy the lollipop to end the situation that has been generated in the supermarket. ER ERROR! On this occasion the child has been increasing his level of aggression to see if his mother gave and bought her lollipop. And, that's how it has been. What happens then? Well, very simple,
the child has learned that every time he wants to get something he just has to increase his aggression to finally get it. As with this strategy he has managed to get his way, he incorporates it into his repertoire to be able to use it in similar situations. What to do if our child tries to manipulate us
- The most important thing, when the child uses this type of manipulative behavior, is that the parents do not give in to them.
They must learn that with manipulation they will not get any benefit . But, for this, parents must control their emotions and not allow the child to obtain anything in these ways.- Instead of getting angry and losing your temper at the behavior of our son,
we must remain calm. It is necessary that the child perceives that he has not been able to emotionally destabilize his parents, we must show firm in the position of not giving in to his manipulation. - The child has to learn that
with these behaviors he will not receive anything ni, not even the attention of his parents. We must only attend to them and communicate with them when their inappropriate behavior has ceased. - We can not forget that the two fundamental ingredients for raising and educating our children successfully arediscipline and love.
Both must be balanced. Discipline is necessary! Not giving in to your attempts at manipulation is one of the best gifts we can give our children. Finally, we encourage you to try to answer these questions: Where do you usually behave? Who do you usually do it with? What do you do to manipulate? Surely after answering these questions you will get a lot of information and will help you effectively manage the manipulative behaviors of your child.